In a world so large, why should I remain?
by cyclone5000
Summary: (Takes place after the events of Diablomon Strikes Back Movie) After the fight with Diablomon, Taichi and Yamato wind up facing the truth that's hard for them to handle.


_Heyo. So this was something that I had written up while listening to some tunes. I had this headcanon (or at least I think it's a headcanon. I guess its more like a thought or concept I guess) after watching the fourth Digimon movie, Diablomon Strikes Back. And that is that Taichi and Yamato must have taken it extremely bad when Omegamon had lost against the fight with Diablomon!_

 _I mean. The movie itself was just a step outside of what was usually expected in a Digimon Movie. The colors were darker. It had a somber overtone right from the very beginning. It was definitely much more bleak up until the ending._

 _I think that's part of the reason why I kind of indulged myself so much with this fic lol I just think that Taichi and Yamato looked SO broken hearted when Omegamon fell apart. Even if it was a happy ending. That scene where you see Omegamon's arms fall off and Taichi and Yamato just beating themselves up (even if there was no dialogue) I just felt like that an event like that wouldn't be easy to overcome! They would have to take some time to process it and come to terms with it, but of course that is never as easy as it sounds._

 _When I posted this up on tumblr...well. I thought it was pretty clear that this was a Taichi/Yamato fic...but then I did get a few comments saying what good friends they are and I admit, that confused me because I thought I handled them as if there was more to their relationship! Hahaha. But when I was editing and rewriting it, I do understand why they understood this as a friendship fic rather than a Taito/Yamachi fic. And while I did considering changing it...I don't know. I actually thought it was fine leaving it up for the reader themselves to take it for what they feel is best! So feel free to read this however makes you happy!_

 _Hahah, well enough of me rambling up here. I'm still writing towards my other projects here on FFnet. I just saw this fic again and decided on whim to spruce it up and post here. Maybe after some time I'll post it over on AO3 as well._

 _Thank you very much everyone. And I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Silence was always a part of their routine.

Every now and then, Taichi and Yamato would both fall quiet. No random conversation, no butting heads or stupid argument. Their time together would just waft down into a lull and the blanket of silence would envelope them. It wasn't that it was stale, or stiff or awkward. Yamato was a naturally reserved person. And even Taichi could run out of things to say. After spending so much time together, they'd just get quiet.

So as they were walking home together, Yamato didn't think much of it when they stopped talking. Sure, Taichi's shoulders weren't as mighty and high. Sure, they weren't walking in line with one another. But it's not like Yamato was going to jump to conclusions. After the events that had just happened, he was just as exhausted as Taichi was.

Yeah that's it. Just tired.

Fighting Diablomon. Saving the world once more. Being pulled down into the darkness in which they had to fight for the light of day again. Of course they were low on energy. They had every right to be quiet right now.

"Neh. Yamato."

"Hm."

"…"

"Taichi?"

"…Did I do okay?"

Yamato ceased walking. He stared directly at Taichi, noticing his uncharacteristically timid demeanor as he turned around to face him. The both of them positioned like a right angle. Yamato faced Taichi directly while Taichi was in profile by comparison.

Yamato's poker face didn't exactly flinch by the odd question. But that didn't mean that he wasn't thrown off at all. His eyes were trying to find an answer within Taichi, but the stubborn brunet wouldn't even meet his gaze.

"Are you talking about what happened today?" Yamato blankly asked. Thinking about the fresh memories of going back into the Internet, fighting Diablomon, and having to break their way out of its trap to try and fight him in the real world, "Of course. We won didn't we? What's more okay than that?" Yamato's tone was harsh. As if he was determined to smash out any doubt. What he said wasn't a lie, in the end the pooled efforts of the chosen children, plus all of the people in the bay, they managed to overcome Diablomon's threat. They were the heroes, and they came out victorious, "Why are you asking?"

The question was interrogative. It probably was redundant to even ask, but it didn't stop Yamato from staking out the challenge for Taichi to match.

However, Taichi didn't do that. In fact he did just the opposite. He sighed out, shrugging his shoulders in pure apathy, before responding with a dull ring in his voice, "Yeah. I suppose you're right." Taichi smiled at Yamato, "Nevermind. Forget I said anything."

Yamato's monotonous face broke into a sour frown. Yamato knew that something was wrong with Taichi. That sad effort to smile like everything was okay was surefire proof of it. Yamato wasn't about to let that red flag settle down.

"What's wrong?" Yamato called out, not moving at all, even when Taichi tried to continue walking.

"Nothing's wrong." Taichi replied back.

"Don't lie to me Taichi, we both know how bad you are at."

"I'm not lying. There isn't anything wrong."

"But it's not perfectly alright now is it?"

"…Yeah it is."

"Liar." Yamato puffed out. Instigating another move, he walked in front of him. Taichi was the kind of guy who always tried to walk forward, standing in his way was the equivalent of cornering him, "What's on your mind."

"Nothing. Nothing I haven't already said," Taichi, got on the defensive. His mouth was tight, his eyes were low, his tone warranted escape, "I was just wondering if I did okay or not. And you answered that. That's it. Now let's go."

"But you don't seem like 'that's it'."

"I'm not some complicated creature that doesn't say what he really means. I'm a simpleton. You know that. Come on let's go."

"Taichi."

"Yamato."

"Whatever it is, you can tell me. You don't have to hold back around me." Yamato stood still. Staring at Taichi without holding back. Honesty was apparent in his tone, but in his eyes spoke the truth. Compassion. The genuine sort of care that was always with Yamato, even if sometimes Taichi was the only one who could tell. That was the good, and frustrating, thing about Yamato. His words only told half of the story. Right now Yamato wanted Taichi to confide in him, and he wasn't going to leave Taichi until the matter had been resolved. When it came to people he cared about, Yamato could be relentless. Slow and steady. But tenacious all the same. That's just how his friendship was.

Taichi took a deep breath in. Shaking himself out of the trance as he pressed his lips together, and clenched his fists from deep in his pockets. As he exhaled he glanced back up at Yamato, who was still urging him to start in his own subtle expressionistic way, "Can we just drop this?" Taichi asked. He knew how Yamato would respond to that. But he didn't feel like bringing up this unnessacary weight. And if he could worm his way out of this conversation, well he would, "It's not anything that's going to put us in danger. It can wait. Can you let up about this?"

Yamato responded exactly like how Taichi knew he would. He shook his head, lightly so that his bangs wouldn't cover his face and he'd have to brush them to the side again, "I know you Taichi," Yamato started. The same he always started, "And if we don't settle this now, then it'll never get settled." This practiced speech is what always got the others to side with him. It's also what wrangled Taichi down and follow along to Yamato's lead, "I'm not going to let you brush this off. Not stop buying time and just tell me what's wrong already."

Taichi sighed—without rolling his eyes this time. He knew that Yamato was right, but that's what made him not want to be complacent. As much as Taichi talked, he wasn't exactly good at putting his thoughts into words. It was easy for him to say the wrong things, it was easy for him to get carried away with how he felt rather what he really pumped his heart, "…" He took a moment to try and collect the right things to say, "…When we were younger," Taichi swallowed down the weight in his mouth, he felt it lodge in the back of his throat which made his mouth tense and harder for him to talk with ease, "We managed to defeat Diablomon all by ourselves right?"

Yamato raised an eyebrow, "Yeah…why–"

"But now we couldn't." Taichi didn't let Yamato finish. He dropped his sentence like the heavy weight of a guillotine, "We were stupid kids. With no plan. No knowledge. No thinking, and we managed to stop him all on our own. But now? We." Taichi took another sharp breath, trying to think that the action in of itself would stop his chest from hurting so much, "I was practically useless. Even though I was prepared to fight him. I couldn't even dent Diablomon! I had to get my sister to try and bail me out! And then trapped like stupid animals. And by the time we got out, Omegamon couldn't even scratch Diablomon and I–" Taichi hung his head low, "Failed. I lost."

"Ta–"

"Yeah sure. I mean. Daisuke and Ken. And Imperialdramon managed to stop him. And yeah sure. Yippee. We won." Taichi drooped even lower at his stale cheer, "But it doesn't change the fact that something that I should have been able to take care of Diablomon. And I couldn't. I just got beat down, and I couldn't do anything but watch."

Yamato stayed silent as Taichi tapered to a close. Taichi kept trying to breath out of his mouth, only to wind up taking sharps breaths out of his nose. He kept shifting weight as he stared down at the ground and then up at nothing. He felt bottled up. There was a pressure on his chest, and he was squeezing the freedom out of him. Normally he'd be able to move past it, but at this moment, his legs and arms felt as strong as gelatin, and he felt grounded with no means of escape.

He felt awful.

"…You know…" Yamato's voice brought Taichi's attention back toward him. Taichi was so busy trying to control his flush of emotions that he didn't realize Yamato's state was no better than his. Yamato wasn't restless with his movements, if anything he looked frozen. Like the negativity kept his heart from feeling warm and his broodiness was all he had the strength to convey, "It's not like I don't understand how you feel." Yamato looked up, his head was tilted so his bangs fell toward one side, "I mean. It takes two to make Omegamon."

Taichi didin't flinch at that. He stayed still. Feeling the weight fall right through him as he meekly muttered a 'yeah' and looked away from Yamato. As much as he wish he could carry the burden on himself, Yamato was right there beside him the whole time. It's easy to act strong in front of the others. Most of them could understand, but they could never _feel_ it firsthand. But Yamato? Taichi knew that they shared that link with each other. Even if Yamato came from a different place that shed a different light, all in all he felt the same self proprieting thoughts that reaped in Taichi's head. They both understood and felt things in the same way. That much they shared in common.

"This isn't like you Taichi," Yamato spoke out again, "You're not–you're usually not the type to let something like this bring you down," That's because that was usually Yamato's role. They were the two weights on the opposite ends of the scale. If Yamato sank down lower, Taichi rose up. If he went down too far, then Taichi would somehow raise him back up. That's how they worked. When they were younger, and Yamato fell repeatedly down in the void that was self-deprecating thoughts. Taichi was the one with the strength to pull him out of it. Cause even if Taichi beat himself down, it wasn't nearly to extent Yamato took it to, that's why they were able to make it through those ordeals in the past. Yamato wasn't sure how they'd make it through this one if Taichi didn't have that same strenght, "What's different now?"

"Everything's different now." Taichi bitterly spat out. He didn't want to be black hearted. Thankfully Yamato knew him well enough to not jump to that conclusion. Taichi wasn't a saint. And he often shouted bad things in the twist of the moment, "Things aren't the same like before." Taichi thought back to the first days of summer. When they were thrown into the midst of a new world with the sun shining high the vast horizon in front of them. He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes and came to face the light of their most recent events, "We're not needed anymore."

Yamato held his breath, 'Okay. That might be a little harsh." He tried to breathe properly again, "I once thought Takeru didn't need me anymore. And that was far from the truth." He nodded his head, "They do need us still. It's just–"

"We aren't as strong as we used to be." Taichi faced Yamato again, "It doesn't matter how prepared or how much we've learned and changed. We don't have anything real substantial to offer. Not like this–"

"You're overdramatic with this Taichi."

"Am I though? Am I really?"

"Yes! I mean. Yeah sure we couldn't defeat Diablomon by ourselves. But that's the point Taichi. We're not by ourselves. We have everyone else!"

"I'm not saying that!"

"Then what are you saying!?" Yamato raised his over Taichi's. He brushed his hair out of his face as he continued, "Because it sounds like you're just upset that you have to rely on others. It sounds like you're all cranky because you couldn't be the one holding the victory blade!"

"That's not at all what I'm trying to say!" Taichi shouted right back, "I'm not trying to be the hero that does it all by himself! I know that doesn't work! I know that just ends badly!"

"All you're saying is 'I failed' 'I wasn't strong enough' 'I'm useless', It's just a bunch of I's and Me's and you being an egotistical idiot acting like how it always falls on you and it's always your problem!" Yamato shouted out. Getting angrier by the syllable, "I was right there next to you Taichi! I was on the other shoulder! I'm literally one arm of Omegamon! Stop making this all about you!"

"I'm making this all about me, because I don't want to drag you down with me!"

"Of course I'm down with you! I was right next to the bay when Omegamon's arms fell off! How could I not be feeling terrible as well!"

"Well I don't want to make everyone feel bad around me Yamato!" Taichi heaved in between his shouts, "That's why I didn't even want to bring this up! God damn it! Just whatever! Forget it!"

"You know! That's just what you always do! Just get all huffy and make a big deal out of things. And then you just try to run away from it!"

"Yamato you practically wrote the damn book on doing that! So don't get mad at me hypocrite!"

"Idiot!"

"Stupid!"

"Dumbass!"

"Coward!"

"Hey!" Taichi screamed out, eyes flaring as he fists grew white tight and blood drawn cold. Yamato didn't so much as flinch as Taichi almost lept out at him. His eyes felt strained. What was normally a beautiful blue was probably charred to a dull slate with how frustrated and angry he gotten. He got prepared for a hit. As prepared as he could get considering the suddenness of the attack. But as steeled as he made his gut and cheek, nothing came.

Taichi leaned back, almost losing his balance in the motion. As he steadied himself his frustration became quite clear on his face. His eyes were dull with anguish. His lips looked sore and his entire body read tired, "That's not fair." Taichi muttered out. No anger. No resentment. Just pure fatigue.

Yamato softened up as well. He knew that he let himself get carried away. And seeing Taichi cave in first made me feel bad about losing his grip, "Taichi…"

"It's true." Taichi chuckled to himself, "I am scared." He looked up at Yamato, pulling on his bangs in such a manner than his palm covered part of his face, "As much as I want to stay a child. And stay as strong as I was. It's not happening. And what's going to happen when I grow up." Taichi's mouth was dry, as he spilt his lips open to talk, he could feel his skin stretching as if they wanted to stay close, "What if there's another threat. What if Omegamon's not enough." Taichi's lip trembled slightly. He bit down on it hard to stop it from quivering, "I can't think of an answer. And it bothers me. I don't know what I'd do if I mess up again like this."

Yamato had the same expression as Taichi's. IT's not that he didn't think about how they'd be when they'd eventually grow up. He didn't like thinking about a future where he didn't act the same around Gabumon. But even know he could feel himself changing from how he was as a child, and there was no way he could stop himself from changing. The added spice of never truly knowing what would happen next…

Yamato thought that only he'd have to worry like this. He didn't once consider the chance that Taichi was entertaining the same troubles as well. Ha. Even when they aren't fused together they still wind up on the same wavelength. Funny how someone so different from him can wind up being exactly the same.

"I don't know either." Yamato shrugged, "I don't have an answer."

Yamato saw Taichi blink, turning away dejectedly. It wasn't like Taichi was expecting a response that'd make him feel instantly better. He learned firsthand of what he should do whenever he let his doubts cloud his mind. He knew that Yamato experienced that same feeling as well.

But he was spent–they were spent. Tired from all the weight they'd been carrying, now their muscles were aching. They weren't as young as they once were, they didn't have the ability to just bounce back like nothing wrong had ever happened. The older they get, the more they understand, the more they understood, the harder it was for them to let go.

They stood there in silence, the sky was now a different color than before. The lighting had changed, but the tranquil peace between them hadn't. Even if they had just finish screaming at each other, it didn't change the tension, it didn't cause any rift to widen. They still stayed the same way toward one another.

Taichi rubbed the back of his neck, his eyelids felt heavy, but he still blinked until they his eyes were wide again, "It makes me feel a little better though," Taichi rolled his head, peaking at Yamato, as if he were shy, "To know that I'm not just crazy or something." He shrugged, 'You know, that I'm not the only one thinking about this kind of stuff."

Yamato scoffed, almost smiling, "Realistically Taichi, probably everyone thinks about this 'kind of stuff'."

"What? No."

"Yeah, worrying about the future is a common thing you know."

"I mean like within the chosen children."

"Have you ever met a person named Takenouchi Sora?"

"Okay so she worries but–"

"Izumi Koushiro?"

"He just thinks too much–"

"Kido Jyou?"

"Alright alright! I get it!" Taichi ended with a soft laugh. Yamato mirroring the gesture with his own quiet chuckle.

Taichi tapered off to a low smile. Soon the curve of his lips fell flat as he muted in a silent pause. He looked away from Yamato again, "I didn't think I'd end up thinking like this." Taichi confessed in a soft whisper, "I mean. If I could just stay like how I was. And not have to think about what I'm going to do after school. Or have to feel unsure about going into another fight. Or just. Everything in general I guess." Taichi shrugged it off, "I don't know what's going to happen. And I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Tai—"

"Or maybe it's not even that. I don't know." Taichi started rambling. His mind wavered in uneasiness and in the midst of confusion, all he could register was the pain deep in his chest where his heart was, "If I can't do the things that I was able to before," He bit his lip, his voice almost dampening to a quite whisper, "Being the leader. Being the one that made the decisions. Having everyone look at me when things went wrong." Taichi took an uneven breath, "If I can't do any of those things. If I can't do what's expected of me. If I fail at the things that I should be more than qualified to do…" He looked up at Yamato, his brown eyes watering with questions he was too afraid to ask. So afraid, that he knew that he had to ask them before they poison him. Before he'd start killing himself over them, "Then what's the point of me being here?"

Such a statement crashed Yamato's inner thoughts in dramatic turns and violent measures. He couldn't bring himself to look away from the clean cut raw emotions that seeped out of Taichi and pooled inside of him. He swirled in his head as he repeated the same things to himself rather than putting them out there for another person to judge and comment on. Either way it didn't make much of a difference. Taichi's lip quivered when he took in Yamato's reaction. That was all the answer he needed.

"I want to be able to say that it'll be okay. That even without the digital world, I won't become useless and everyone won't disregard me and stuff like that." Taichi spoke for the both of them, "But it's just so easy for all of us to drift apart. It's so easy for one of us to get involved with other things and no longer be available because their schedules clash." Taichi thought about when Diablomon first came on the radar and how hard it was for Taichi to even contact everyone, "In the digiworld, we all had to have each other to grow. In a sense, I was secure because everyone needed me. And I needed them…." Taichi could hear Yamato trying to control his breathing, "If I…if we…move on without the digital world. Then everyone can just do their own thing. Which means that I have to do my own thing and—yeah." Taichi didn't want to repeat himself, "I don't know what I'd do if that ever happened."

Yamato didn't respond at first. He stayed quiet. He tried to think of something he could say, something proper that'd help Taichi over this. Something equivalent to the times where the reverse was true and Taichi helped him realize the truth when he was clouded with self-doubt.

But it was hard to make himself optimistic when Yamato could easily place himself in Taichi's shoes. The thoughts were constricting, holding him down with fear and pain. As intangible and airless as it was, Yamato could feel the effects already take ahold of him and pull him down faster than he could possibly process.

Taichi rubbed the nape of his neck, "Then again it just might be me. I don't know. It's uh—"

"It's not." Yamato cut him off. What hurt the most was the fact that Taichi was carrying something like this. And through that Yamato could muster up the strength to handle what to do and say next, "It's okay though."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is," Yamato stared directly at Taichi, not hesitating at all, "Even if you don't know what's going to happen. Even if you're…scared of what might happen. Or what might not happen…" Without even realizing Yamato took a step closer to Taichi. Standing closer to him, right in front of him with little space in between the two of them. He looked into Taichi's eyes, not caring for the expression on his face, just the subtle details that he learned to pick up on over the years, "Even if there is another threat. Even if Omegamon loses again. Or even if we never go back to the digital world," Yamato offered a small smile, "I'll be there. Right next to you. No matter what."

"Well Yamato…that's—"

"It means that you're not alone." Yamato worded in a way that Taichi couldn't refute away, "I'll be with you in more than one specific way. So even if you do wind up useless. Or even if the others start moving on with their lives and you are still in the same place. You'll never face to truly face these things alone Taichi. Cause I'll be there. I'll always be there. You can always count on me."

There was another brief moment of silence between them. Yamato staring at Taichi unabashed, while Taichi kept blinking his eyes as he absorbed what was just said. Like a kid that was told some words of advice that he didn't yet understand, Taichi kept quiet as his eyes were wide and his mouth tight in concentration. When he saw Yamato smile in his own modest fashion, Taichi couldn't hold back and broke out in his usual closed mouth grin.

"Yeah, that's true," Taichi smiled even wider, trying to stop himself from chuckling. It was such an obvious thing, that he felt like an idiot for forgetting such a basic thing, "Whatever happens, at least I got you." Taichi rubbed his eyes, "We'll be together."

They both looked at each other, finally reaching a consensus where they understood and were content with where they were. Unconsciously Taichi reached out toward Yamato, and in the same absentmindedness, Yamato met him halfway.

They held hands the same way that they did when they were children. When they were faced with a threat and they weren't sure if they'd make it out okay. It was hard to tell whose hand was warm, and which one was cold. When they wrapped their palms against each other like this, truthfully it was like they both had the same traits.

Due to their closeness, Yamato rested his head against Taichi's shoulder. Not worried about whether or not such an action as appropriate or not. He couldn't keep his head up any longer so he didn't. Taichi leaned against the top of Yamato's head, feeling his soft hair against his cheek as he squeezed Yamato's hand tighter.

A silence fell over them again. Not everything that needed to be said was conveyed properly, but through the quiet gestures of their intimacy they were able to relish in the comfort that the other's person presence offered. They didn't have all the answers they needed. But at least. For right now. The simple knowledge of knowing that they weren't alone would be enough.

Together.

Knowing that much reminded them that they could find a way through anything. Threat or peace. Needed or unneeded. They'd be able to get through it all together.


End file.
